Tag Archives: be kind

This happens.

blue_candlesI have written and deleted this post more than four times today.

Too many thoughts, too many words, too much emotion.

I wrote about being vulnerable, drama, fear, pity, judgement, and frustration.

I wrote about good friends, family, safe spaces, sage women, trusting your gut, taking that risk and helping others.

I had a point.

I had a message.

I had a goal but in the end I realized that it was just ‘stuff’.

All I really wanted to say is that my heart aches for this family. That this could happen to anyone, we could have been these parents, that child could have been Logan.

We weren’t.

He wasn’t.

This child is ‘our’ child, the T1D community has a family that is grieving, we grieve with them and for them. Tonight like so many other parents will be doing with their own children, I will check on Logan more than normal. I will curse T1D.

Do I think about this happening? Yes, but not as often as I used to.

Not that long ago, I woke up in the middle of the night with a sick feeling in my stomach that something was wrong. I immediately went and checked on Zoe and Logan.

For the first time since his diagnosis I checked to see if he was breathing.

Breathing.

I checked to see if he was breathing.

My first thought was to check his breathing, not his blood sugar.

It scared me.

A lot.

That night I scooted him over and slept next to him. Not because I was nervous, but because I was grateful.

Insulin is not a cure.

I usually don’t share articles about deaths due to T1D complications. I’m not sure why. I am completely and utterly aware of this reality. Maybe it’s because I want to be that person that believes and trusts that there is a way, that there is a cure coming…before it happens again.

This is why we fund raise, why we advocate and why we keep going and why we are so grateful for all that you do to help us find a cure.

Believe me, there will be times when we yell ‘TAG! Your it!’ because we will be tired, we will need your help and we will be so happy that you are there on the front lines with us.

So hug your kids tight, unplug, share your gifts with this world, be nice to each other, hold your judgments, forgive, be gentle with yourself, and fight the fight, whatever it may be.

You matter. You make a difference. Use your power for good. Life is too precious to hold back.

And remember…this happens.

Bless this family, their friends, and their children, may they feel loved and supported during this time.

http://laurenandandyplus5.blogspot.com/2013/10/to-jillian-ivy.html

 

 

 

Turn back the clock. Please. No. Don’t.

M tony holding onto wet logan

Phew. I have found myself in a new place with new stuff. Startled by it? Yes. Uncomfortable? Always.

But what’s a girl to do? Well, it’s obvious isn’t it? She jumps right in there and figures it out.

I know exactly where I was when it happened and I know what started it. I saw a group of women with their cherub faced toddlers, they were laughing and playing, appearing to be fearless and care-free, and it came out of nowhere.

In an instant, and for the first time that I can remember, I wanted to go back to that time in Logan’s life before he had Type 1, before he had a speech disorder, before he would experience a roller coaster of being on the spectrum, before he would say, “Mom, please take the diabetes out of my body” and years later , “Mom, I’m afraid that people will pick on me because of my personality.”

Phew, there it is again, even as I write this, out of nowhere, it gently finds the hairline cracks in my armor and splits it wide open and makes me vulnerable. Parenting is not for the faint at heart that’s for sure.

But it’s all good. Really.

No really. Trust me. I have a plan. I have a checklist.

The last month has brought more than mud to the surface. Emotions have been raw, doubts were looming, challenges were, well, just that…challenging. I had to dig a little deeper. I had to let go. I had to remind myself that being too far in the past or too far in the future holds no power for being here right now. And I needed a nap.

When I get uncomfortable, when things surprise me, I’m reminded of who I am, who I’m not, what I’m made of and what gets me in trouble and what gets me out of trouble.

I’m stubborn, just ask my family. I’m determined. I am forever hopeful. I’m dependable.

I’m a hugger.

I’m a lover not a fighter, and not to mislead you because there are things and people that I will fight for until the end of time.

I will fight for a cure. Without a doubt.

I don’t like conflict but I know that finding a solution can get messy and it’s not always easy.

I want everyone to be heard, everyone to be honored.

I’m that person that always thinks of something to say in my car on the way home. I see both sides. Well, I try to see both sides. No one’s perfect.

I can be indecisive though I’ve been known to take off running and never look back.

I believe in people and in kindness. I believe that it is the little things that are really the big things.

Mean people get me down.

Rude people make me want to scream. In fact, I’ve been known to swear at them from the safety of my car, my laundry room and while hiking on a trail. Not a shocker given my feelings about conflict.

Being fierce both scares and inspires me.

I want everyone to have at least one person in their life that has their back, always remembering that there is strength in numbers.

I want a cure.

For everyone.

Is it possible? I have to believe.

Am I naive? Maybe.

I know that when Logan was born it never crossed my mind that we would be advocating for anything, much less a cure for Type 1 and raising awareness for Autism Spectrum Disorders.

You know what else I didn’t know, was how amazing it would all be.

Granted, at times life can be exhausting, frustrating, and all of those things that make me want to crawl into a cave and never come out. But what fun would that be? Well, lets be honest, we all need a break now and then, so there are days where that cave looks like a week on the beach with nothing but sunshine and rainbows.

So, this is my check list of sorts, bringing me full circle when life catches me by surprise.

I get uncomfortable, retreat, look at where I’ve been…no secret solution, just time and the willingness to sit with it for a bit and let the dust settle.

I admit it’s hard to go back there sometimes, but being uncomfortable is good in so many ways, it reminds me of what I have to work on and it gives me a glimpse of all that I cherish. 

Would I do anything differently given the chance to turn back the clock? I don’t know.

Well, that’s a lie because I would love to kiss those chubby cheeks, snuggle into their necks until they squeal, and scoop them up as their little legs try to carry them away in sheer delight. 

The truth is there is nothing that I could have done to spare Logan his diagnosis. What I can do is to keep advocating, raising awareness and to love everything about this challenging chaotic life.

I’m getting better at giving myself permission to feel uncomfortable. I’m quicker to get in the thick of it, trusting that I will come out stronger and more content. 

IMG_2342For me, the real beauty and power lies in the emerging, the rising up, the looking forward and celebrating all that brought me to this moment. Squeezing through those tight places and feeling so good when I reach the other side.

And this moment, it’s just another reminder to keep advocating, fund raising, connecting and serving… not only for my family and for myself, but for others, because though I speak for myself here, I know that I am not alone and we are in this together.

There is always something that you can do…

Yikes! It’s been awhile, hope everyone is having a great summer. I’m nearing the 30 day mark before my JDRF 100 mile ride and at the same time digging my heels into the ground as I try to slow down these wonderful summer days, I love having my kids at home.

Just food for thought, I’ll be back again soon…have a great day!

never forget quote

I said bold, not bald, right?

st baldricksWow, where does the time go? 2013 has no intentions of slowing down, does it? I tried to resist its determination and regroup when it caught me off-guard, but in the end I just had to surrender and hold on. So far I like where it has taken me. A little faster than I had anticipated but I imagine I will get used to its speed. I hope.

In the past few years I haven’t really thought much about New Years resolutions but this year I quietly made one for myself, to be bold. For me this means to reach as far as I can reach and then reach a little further.

BeBold-Summit

The mission of this blog has been to raise awareness for Type 1 Diabetes, to share our family’s experiences and we hope, to inspire advocacy for the T1D community and beyond. Keeping this in mind, when I recently heard about a fundraising event for childhood cancer I knew that it was an opportunity I wanted to be a part of. So on March 16th I will participate in the St. Baldrick’s fundraising event where I will have my head shaved. I’m hoping that this counts towards my bold quota.

Most of you here are familiar with my running blog, so as not to take up too much of your time I will include the link to my most recent post. I hope you have a few minutes to check it out if you haven’t already done so. Between you and me, I’m hoping for Alien fighter meets Annie Lennox, with a little G.I. Jane thrown in the mix. I’ll let you know how it turns out.

http://miles4moms.wordpress.com/2013/02/21/alien-fighter-or-conehead/

Call me naive but I believe we all have the power to make a difference.make-a-difference In some way or another we all advocate, we share our stories and we inspire.  A cure for Type 1 diabetes will always be my hearts desire. If I could shave my head to find a cure for T1D, I would live my life forever bald, if that was all it would take. But it takes more than that, I know that, and you know that. We can’t do it alone, that’s why I advocate for others when I can, however I can, especially when it makes me reach further than I thought I could. It might get uncomfortable, but I believe that’s when all the magic happens. I mean seriously, shaving my head? There’s bound to be magic in that moment.

A while back someone had sent me an e-mail, asking me why I advocate for others and why wouldn’t I just focus all of my efforts on T1D. Good question. Easy answer.

When I advocate for, let’s say, pediatric cancer, organ donation, epilepsy, Rubinstein-Taybi syndrome, or autism- I am also advocating for T1D. I don’t do it for the sole purpose of exchanging information. I do it because I care and because I believe that we are all connected. 

For me, the gift in advocating is not the exchange of information, statistics or outcomes, it is the exchange of compassion, of understanding and love, it’s really that simple. It’s the moment when I see myself in someone else, when I catch my breath and my heart stretches. It’s when I’m talking with a mom and I am gently reminded that we are stronger together. 

Making these connections, supporting and celebrating  mom’s, their children, their families, it’s all about the human spirit and coming together to be a bridge that helps all of us get to where we need to go. Whatever it is, whether we are looking to find a cure, to find compassion or to find kindness, I want to be a part of it. I don’t want to be afraid to do something, afraid to help a friend or a stranger, or afraid that I won’t have enough left to give to my own family. There is enough to go around for everyone. Believe that what you have to offer is enough.

The most beautiful thing about these connections is that they are not made by me, not really. I  don’t intentionally seek them out. Yes, I intentionally advocate, but I didn’t sit down one day and make a list of causes or people that I wanted to advocate for and then contact them. It usually goes like this- I read something, I see a YouTube clip, maybe a name keeps popping up, a song, and something stands out and makes a connection for me.

Sometimes someone makes an introduction, it feels random, out of the blue, I might not ‘get it’, but I pay attention to it, I listen. Sometime there’s a little rush, a flicker, you know…goosebumps, and that’s how I know that this is someone I want to advocate for, a cause I want to support and that there is something special in this connection. I take the risk, I reach out, I offer, and the path appears, the sharing deepens, the bond strengthens, the heart sings. Maybe it is for a brief moment, or maybe a lifetime, either way I don’t want to miss it.

serendipity

Selfishly, I want to surround myself with these amazing families, these incredible women that are strong beyond their belief and children that set our hearts on fire. I want to show my children that the world out there, the one that is just waiting for them, is filled with people that care and that it’s not just all about us, it’s about all of us.

I am grateful to be connected with so many wonderful people that continue to inspire and encourage me to be bold, to be brave. I can only hope that someday I can be that person for someone, to encourage them, to honor and celebrate the power they have to make a change.

So there you have it, why I advocate for others and all the magic that comes with it. Maybe more than you needed to know, maybe not.  I can’t wait to hear about your bold moments, your brave moments, the one’s that surprise you as much as they delight you. I have no doubt you will be brilliant.

hey-you-can-do-it