Tag Archives: friendship

Duped.

got dupedSo…I got duped. We all got duped. The T1D community fell prey to information that was not true. Turns out that the blog and information that was recently shared by many of us was not true.

I imagine were not the only community to be duped. The write/writers of the blog professed to be teachers, having a child with down syndrome, one with T1D and if I remember correctly a set of triplets. That’s a lot of heart strings getting tugged.

Sadly it happens. We live in a fast-paced, media savvy culture, news travels fast, good or bad.

Mad? No. Frustrated? Maybe. Just wondering how we can protect ourselves in the future, so as a parent, a blogger and also as a community we don’t perpetuate the untrue and the drama. That we always honor the lives lost with truth and dignity, that we support families as they grieve and at the same time we continue to celebrate our strength, our successes and our commitment to a cure.

The truth is, duped or not, we still need a cure, I still have nights that I am worrisome about Logan’s numbers and I still get up and check him.

I won’t lie, the blog post in question got to me, I was feeling raw, tired and mad at T1D. I read that a child had died in their sleep from a low and I thought “Enough already!“.

At first I hesitated to post blue candles, or to even mention death but I did. I should have listened to my gut but my heart took over and that’s what they were counting on.

Early on I had decided not to share those stories, or the blue candles, not that they didn’t matter, of course they matter, but I struggled with it for different reasons. Even though I chose not to share the blue candles, when I saw them they were always a reminder of how strong this community is, how loving and supportive they are and how we grieve together and stay strong. Together.

The good news, yes, there is always good news, is that it has us talking. The T1D community is coming together, bringing their ideas and their thoughts to the table so something like this doesn’t happen again.

We are talking about how to find a way so that those who want to post blue candles can and do. We are talking about how we feel, where we need to make some changes and how we may need some type of protocol or etiquette as Moira McCarthy Stanford mentions in her most recent post.

So, duped? Yes. But you know what? We still need a cure. There will always be people out there that will thrive in the drama and who will try to get in the cracks of our armor, it happens but it doesn’t define us or our intentions. It doesn’t stop us. 

I don’t like that it happens. It takes our breath away, we struggle, we squirm, we think “How could they? How could we?”, but we are all human, we trust, we love, we care, we believe…and we don’t want to lose another child to the complications of T1D.

Don’t be mad or sad, be empowered, be vigilant, be determined. Take pause, be cautious, but don’t stop. This is not a reflection of your judgement but of your heart, you trusted, you cared and now you move on.

And you know what else? I am relieved, relieved that the post in question was not true. That a T1D child did not die in their sleep. That above all else, is what matters.

So duped? Yes. But it doesn’t change the truth, my truth or Logan’s truth, that T1D is serious and that we need a cure.

trueseeker

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This happens.

blue_candlesI have written and deleted this post more than four times today.

Too many thoughts, too many words, too much emotion.

I wrote about being vulnerable, drama, fear, pity, judgement, and frustration.

I wrote about good friends, family, safe spaces, sage women, trusting your gut, taking that risk and helping others.

I had a point.

I had a message.

I had a goal but in the end I realized that it was just ‘stuff’.

All I really wanted to say is that my heart aches for this family. That this could happen to anyone, we could have been these parents, that child could have been Logan.

We weren’t.

He wasn’t.

This child is ‘our’ child, the T1D community has a family that is grieving, we grieve with them and for them. Tonight like so many other parents will be doing with their own children, I will check on Logan more than normal. I will curse T1D.

Do I think about this happening? Yes, but not as often as I used to.

Not that long ago, I woke up in the middle of the night with a sick feeling in my stomach that something was wrong. I immediately went and checked on Zoe and Logan.

For the first time since his diagnosis I checked to see if he was breathing.

Breathing.

I checked to see if he was breathing.

My first thought was to check his breathing, not his blood sugar.

It scared me.

A lot.

That night I scooted him over and slept next to him. Not because I was nervous, but because I was grateful.

Insulin is not a cure.

I usually don’t share articles about deaths due to T1D complications. I’m not sure why. I am completely and utterly aware of this reality. Maybe it’s because I want to be that person that believes and trusts that there is a way, that there is a cure coming…before it happens again.

This is why we fund raise, why we advocate and why we keep going and why we are so grateful for all that you do to help us find a cure.

Believe me, there will be times when we yell ‘TAG! Your it!’ because we will be tired, we will need your help and we will be so happy that you are there on the front lines with us.

So hug your kids tight, unplug, share your gifts with this world, be nice to each other, hold your judgments, forgive, be gentle with yourself, and fight the fight, whatever it may be.

You matter. You make a difference. Use your power for good. Life is too precious to hold back.

And remember…this happens.

Bless this family, their friends, and their children, may they feel loved and supported during this time.

http://laurenandandyplus5.blogspot.com/2013/10/to-jillian-ivy.html

 

 

 

Turn back the clock. Please. No. Don’t.

M tony holding onto wet logan

Phew. I have found myself in a new place with new stuff. Startled by it? Yes. Uncomfortable? Always.

But what’s a girl to do? Well, it’s obvious isn’t it? She jumps right in there and figures it out.

I know exactly where I was when it happened and I know what started it. I saw a group of women with their cherub faced toddlers, they were laughing and playing, appearing to be fearless and care-free, and it came out of nowhere.

In an instant, and for the first time that I can remember, I wanted to go back to that time in Logan’s life before he had Type 1, before he had a speech disorder, before he would experience a roller coaster of being on the spectrum, before he would say, “Mom, please take the diabetes out of my body” and years later , “Mom, I’m afraid that people will pick on me because of my personality.”

Phew, there it is again, even as I write this, out of nowhere, it gently finds the hairline cracks in my armor and splits it wide open and makes me vulnerable. Parenting is not for the faint at heart that’s for sure.

But it’s all good. Really.

No really. Trust me. I have a plan. I have a checklist.

The last month has brought more than mud to the surface. Emotions have been raw, doubts were looming, challenges were, well, just that…challenging. I had to dig a little deeper. I had to let go. I had to remind myself that being too far in the past or too far in the future holds no power for being here right now. And I needed a nap.

When I get uncomfortable, when things surprise me, I’m reminded of who I am, who I’m not, what I’m made of and what gets me in trouble and what gets me out of trouble.

I’m stubborn, just ask my family. I’m determined. I am forever hopeful. I’m dependable.

I’m a hugger.

I’m a lover not a fighter, and not to mislead you because there are things and people that I will fight for until the end of time.

I will fight for a cure. Without a doubt.

I don’t like conflict but I know that finding a solution can get messy and it’s not always easy.

I want everyone to be heard, everyone to be honored.

I’m that person that always thinks of something to say in my car on the way home. I see both sides. Well, I try to see both sides. No one’s perfect.

I can be indecisive though I’ve been known to take off running and never look back.

I believe in people and in kindness. I believe that it is the little things that are really the big things.

Mean people get me down.

Rude people make me want to scream. In fact, I’ve been known to swear at them from the safety of my car, my laundry room and while hiking on a trail. Not a shocker given my feelings about conflict.

Being fierce both scares and inspires me.

I want everyone to have at least one person in their life that has their back, always remembering that there is strength in numbers.

I want a cure.

For everyone.

Is it possible? I have to believe.

Am I naive? Maybe.

I know that when Logan was born it never crossed my mind that we would be advocating for anything, much less a cure for Type 1 and raising awareness for Autism Spectrum Disorders.

You know what else I didn’t know, was how amazing it would all be.

Granted, at times life can be exhausting, frustrating, and all of those things that make me want to crawl into a cave and never come out. But what fun would that be? Well, lets be honest, we all need a break now and then, so there are days where that cave looks like a week on the beach with nothing but sunshine and rainbows.

So, this is my check list of sorts, bringing me full circle when life catches me by surprise.

I get uncomfortable, retreat, look at where I’ve been…no secret solution, just time and the willingness to sit with it for a bit and let the dust settle.

I admit it’s hard to go back there sometimes, but being uncomfortable is good in so many ways, it reminds me of what I have to work on and it gives me a glimpse of all that I cherish. 

Would I do anything differently given the chance to turn back the clock? I don’t know.

Well, that’s a lie because I would love to kiss those chubby cheeks, snuggle into their necks until they squeal, and scoop them up as their little legs try to carry them away in sheer delight. 

The truth is there is nothing that I could have done to spare Logan his diagnosis. What I can do is to keep advocating, raising awareness and to love everything about this challenging chaotic life.

I’m getting better at giving myself permission to feel uncomfortable. I’m quicker to get in the thick of it, trusting that I will come out stronger and more content. 

IMG_2342For me, the real beauty and power lies in the emerging, the rising up, the looking forward and celebrating all that brought me to this moment. Squeezing through those tight places and feeling so good when I reach the other side.

And this moment, it’s just another reminder to keep advocating, fund raising, connecting and serving… not only for my family and for myself, but for others, because though I speak for myself here, I know that I am not alone and we are in this together.

There is always something that you can do…

Yikes! It’s been awhile, hope everyone is having a great summer. I’m nearing the 30 day mark before my JDRF 100 mile ride and at the same time digging my heels into the ground as I try to slow down these wonderful summer days, I love having my kids at home.

Just food for thought, I’ll be back again soon…have a great day!

never forget quote

Friends, they’re a big deal.

I have been wanting to write this post since the day it happened and here I am months later finally putting it out there. I have been thinking about all of the amazing women that I know and how grateful I am to have them in my life. They are always teaching me about who I am, who I am not and who I am yet to be.

I have realized how important they have become since Logan’s diagnosis and how some friends have drifted away and how new ones have emerged. Everyone’s timing always perfect.

If I could, I would post a photo of each and everyone of you, all of the amazing women in my life that have supported me through the good, the bad and the ugly. There is just not enough space to do that so I’m choosing a more recent photo with new friends because it reminds me of what all of my friends have in common. Compassion, love and generosity.

I was a new addition to this dynamic duo of women, they had warmly welcomed me into their already well established friendship after we moved from Wisconsin to Colorado.

Image0522On this day we were headed out for a hike and I was excited to explore new territory. As we were approaching the mountain trail I realized that the bars on my phone were disappearing and without mention, they picked up on my anxiousness and Shana quickly said, “Oh, don’t worry, we can go somewhere else, you’ll need your phone for when the school calls with Logan’s numbers“.

I hesitated, hating to change our plans. I knew that neither of them would mind, but I didn’t want to be the reason for a change our plans. Well, actually I didn’t want T1D to be the reason for it. It was just another gentle reminder that T1D is ALWAYS there and I was struggling with it a little bit, feeling restricted, and feeling selfish at the same time.

We drove back down the mountain to a different spot, both of them telling me not to worry about it, that it was no big deal, but it was a big deal. It may seem like such a small thing, but in my mind all of these small things add up and make me feel so incredibly lucky to have people like these two women in my life. We all deserve friends like this and I trust that you have them.

Often times people say, ‘Really, it’s not a big deal‘ and make changes to help out. Friends do this for each other. But you must know that it is a big deal and it doesn’t go unnoticed. We are so grateful for all of the things that you do.

For example, all of the times that people have changed a meal time so we could work around Logan’s T1D schedule. Or when his teachers figure out a way to include a treat during a time that Logan would typically have  snack so that he doesn’t have to bring his treat home or get an extra injection.  Or when people ask questions about T1D and are genuinely curious about what it is and how they can better understand it. Or the many times that my friends cut me some slack when they know I’ve had a sleepless night. Or, or, or. The list is long, but these are all the ‘little’ things that are big things in our book and there are so many.

We could never ask that you make these changes because we understand that everyone has needs and that everything always works out. Believe me, we always manage. Well I take that back. If we know you well enough, we might ask you, and if you’ve been reading my blog you already know that sometimes T1D just plain ole’ sucks. So I’m not trying to say that life is all rainbows and sunshine, what I am saying is that it is all good. Really.

And the asking for help part, ugh. I am forever telling my children to ask for help, yet I am the worst, I find it quite difficult to ask. I mean really, who doesn’t?

So, we might not ask, and we will not expect, but what we will do is to be grateful for every token of kindness that you offer. We will also be inspired to offer that kindness to someone else and make sure that we are the one’s that tell them, “Really, it’s no big deal“.

For me, among many things, T1D challenges my natural instinct to be spontaneous. My forever desire to just pick up and go, just do it, right now. I’ve gotten much better about it and have helped Logan manage his own desires to be spontaneous, it just takes a lot of planning, and it helps to be surrounded by people that will come off of the mountain for you when you need phone service.

As we celebrate Mothers Day I would also like to celebrate friends. We all believe that our friends are the best friends and they are, aren’t they? May you continue to have a friend at your side and to be that friend for someone else.

Sending out love and gratitude to all of the friends that have been a part of my life, and for those I am yet to meet. An extra shout out to my Iola friends, you know who you are, a community of women that should be honored with their own post. There is a lot of magic happening in central Wisconsin.

A special thank you to the friends in Logan’s life that have been so special to him along the way and who have always been so supportive of his T1D care. Thank you for stopping for BG checks in the middle of some serious play time, for not sharing food after your parents did everything in their power to teach you to share, and for understanding how unpredictable T1D can be, you guys are troopers. Hugs to Maddy, Lilly, Maddie, Nina and Tobin, thank you, I know that Logan misses your company.  (I am sure to have forgotten a few and I know that Logan would have more to add to this list if he were here to join in the conversation).