Tag Archives: letting go


got dupedSo…I got duped. We all got duped. The T1D community fell prey to information that was not true. Turns out that the blog and information that was recently shared by many of us was not true.

I imagine were not the only community to be duped. The write/writers of the blog professed to be teachers, having a child with down syndrome, one with T1D and if I remember correctly a set of triplets. That’s a lot of heart strings getting tugged.

Sadly it happens. We live in a fast-paced, media savvy culture, news travels fast, good or bad.

Mad? No. Frustrated? Maybe. Just wondering how we can protect ourselves in the future, so as a parent, a blogger and also as a community we don’t perpetuate the untrue and the drama. That we always honor the lives lost with truth and dignity, that we support families as they grieve and at the same time we continue to celebrate our strength, our successes and our commitment to a cure.

The truth is, duped or not, we still need a cure, I still have nights that I am worrisome about Logan’s numbers and I still get up and check him.

I won’t lie, the blog post in question got to me, I was feeling raw, tired and mad at T1D. I read that a child had died in their sleep from a low and I thought “Enough already!“.

At first I hesitated to post blue candles, or to even mention death but I did. I should have listened to my gut but my heart took over and that’s what they were counting on.

Early on I had decided not to share those stories, or the blue candles, not that they didn’t matter, of course they matter, but I struggled with it for different reasons. Even though I chose not to share the blue candles, when I saw them they were always a reminder of how strong this community is, how loving and supportive they are and how we grieve together and stay strong. Together.

The good news, yes, there is always good news, is that it has us talking. The T1D community is coming together, bringing their ideas and their thoughts to the table so something like this doesn’t happen again.

We are talking about how to find a way so that those who want to post blue candles can and do. We are talking about how we feel, where we need to make some changes and how we may need some type of protocol or etiquette as Moira McCarthy Stanford mentions in her most recent post.

So, duped? Yes. But you know what? We still need a cure. There will always be people out there that will thrive in the drama and who will try to get in the cracks of our armor, it happens but it doesn’t define us or our intentions. It doesn’t stop us. 

I don’t like that it happens. It takes our breath away, we struggle, we squirm, we think “How could they? How could we?”, but we are all human, we trust, we love, we care, we believe…and we don’t want to lose another child to the complications of T1D.

Don’t be mad or sad, be empowered, be vigilant, be determined. Take pause, be cautious, but don’t stop. This is not a reflection of your judgement but of your heart, you trusted, you cared and now you move on.

And you know what else? I am relieved, relieved that the post in question was not true. That a T1D child did not die in their sleep. That above all else, is what matters.

So duped? Yes. But it doesn’t change the truth, my truth or Logan’s truth, that T1D is serious and that we need a cure.



This happens.

blue_candlesI have written and deleted this post more than four times today.

Too many thoughts, too many words, too much emotion.

I wrote about being vulnerable, drama, fear, pity, judgement, and frustration.

I wrote about good friends, family, safe spaces, sage women, trusting your gut, taking that risk and helping others.

I had a point.

I had a message.

I had a goal but in the end I realized that it was just ‘stuff’.

All I really wanted to say is that my heart aches for this family. That this could happen to anyone, we could have been these parents, that child could have been Logan.

We weren’t.

He wasn’t.

This child is ‘our’ child, the T1D community has a family that is grieving, we grieve with them and for them. Tonight like so many other parents will be doing with their own children, I will check on Logan more than normal. I will curse T1D.

Do I think about this happening? Yes, but not as often as I used to.

Not that long ago, I woke up in the middle of the night with a sick feeling in my stomach that something was wrong. I immediately went and checked on Zoe and Logan.

For the first time since his diagnosis I checked to see if he was breathing.


I checked to see if he was breathing.

My first thought was to check his breathing, not his blood sugar.

It scared me.

A lot.

That night I scooted him over and slept next to him. Not because I was nervous, but because I was grateful.

Insulin is not a cure.

I usually don’t share articles about deaths due to T1D complications. I’m not sure why. I am completely and utterly aware of this reality. Maybe it’s because I want to be that person that believes and trusts that there is a way, that there is a cure coming…before it happens again.

This is why we fund raise, why we advocate and why we keep going and why we are so grateful for all that you do to help us find a cure.

Believe me, there will be times when we yell ‘TAG! Your it!’ because we will be tired, we will need your help and we will be so happy that you are there on the front lines with us.

So hug your kids tight, unplug, share your gifts with this world, be nice to each other, hold your judgments, forgive, be gentle with yourself, and fight the fight, whatever it may be.

You matter. You make a difference. Use your power for good. Life is too precious to hold back.

And remember…this happens.

Bless this family, their friends, and their children, may they feel loved and supported during this time.







I have been enjoying some time to myself working on future posts and projects for 2013. Though lately I’ve been a little frustrated, well, because in the midst of my creative fury something always seems to push its way to the top of the list, shouting “No, wait! Wait! Me first!“. Leaving me scrambling.

It happened again this morning. I was at my desk, basking in the quiet while working on some hearts to be mailed out this week.* I was sitting there thinking “hearts, hearts, red hearts, white hearts, cute hearts, paper hearts” in a Dr. Seuss kind of way and then BAM! “What are you going to do with your life?“. Whoa, that’s a bit heavy. What happened to “hearts, hearts, hearts?”.

I was feeling a little perplexed about this crossroads that I seem to be at all of a sudden. It felt so abrupt. It was like being a passenger in a car and the driver suddenly stops and they swing their arm out in front of you so you don’t go flying forward. It felt like that.

Swirls of thoughts, ideas, and a few concerns, bumping into each other in my already tired mind. I plod through them trying to decide which ones need my attention first and which ones really don’t need my attention at all.

My head starts to hurt and I decide that I honestly don’t know what this sudden surge in thought is all about. Maybe it’s the angst of the year coming to an end and the excitement of a new one starting. Maybe, just maybe, I am TOTALLY freaked out that my 1/2 Marathon is only 5, yes I said 5, weeks away!! Now is not the time for me to doubt anything. Or, maybe it’s just too much coffee, sometimes when I get to over-analyzing myself I realize I’m just over-caffeinated. It’s as simple as that. But not today.

I sit there. My mind racing while ‘what iffing’ myself into a tizzy. Then I realize, although uncomfortable at the moment, I am exactly where I should be. Ta-dah! The angels sing. How profound and magical. Not to poke-fun at these moments of epiphany, but some days are like that, I struggle, I exaggerate, my mind leads me too far from my path, causing me to panic, question, doubt. Then something clicks, I let go, I trust, and magically my internal knowing catches up with my external wondering, they shake hands and make a deal. I breathe deep and move on.

I put the scissors down, push back in my chair and take a deep breath. I grab my coffee cup and laugh, well lookey there, it says, “Trust the Process”.

Wherever you are today, whatever decisions you have to make, whatever dreams you are planning to live, I hope that you too can find that moment where you let go and trust the process.

Thanks for taking the time to catch up with us today, and for letting me have a little corner of this blog to think out loud. It’s always about T1D, but today it was a little bit more, and I appreciate your listening.

Slow down. Calm down. Don’t worry. Don’t hurry. Trust the process.

~Alexandra Stoddard

*Thank you by the way, we have had 849 views on our YouTube video, that is amazing!! We could never have done this without YOU!.

And…if you are wondering, I bought this fabulous mug at Barnes & Noble, but you can also order them online from The Universe Knows, they have some great stuff, take a peek…